Jimmie Allen had dark thoughts during a scandal-filled time in his life. In a recent conversation with Kathie Lee Gifford -- which the country singer released on his YouTube channel on Tuesday -- Allen, 38, recalled contemplating suicide when his former manager sued him for sexual assault.
In May 2023, Allen's day-to-day manager, who was identified only as Jane Doe in her lawsuit, alleged that the singer raped her and repeatedly subjected her to sexual abuse and harassment over the course of 18 months.
At the time, in a statement to ET provided by his attorney, Allen admitted to having had a "sexual relationship" with the woman suing him, but claimed it was consensual for nearly two years.
In his conversation with Gifford, Allen said he was "searching for instant gratification from women" during his affair, before discussing specifics about the situation.
"She was my day-to-day manager, so she was with me everywhere I went. We'd hook up then we'd stop, and then when we'd stop... she'd get all sad and upset, so to make her feel better, we'd start hooking up again," he claimed.
Allen maintained that he "absolutely [did] not" want a relationship with the woman, but admitted, "I should've seen that she was into me. For me, even though it was just physical, I think for her it was getting emotional."
When the lawsuit was filed, Allen said he was "pissed off" and "confused and heartbroken."
"It's someone who'd become a friend," he said. "... I knew it was wrong because I'm in a relationship. That's what I'm willing to take accountability for... For the longest time, in my head, I remember thinking, 'As long as I'm providing for my wife and my children, I have the freedom to do whatever I want.' That's not the right mentality. It's wrong. I made a commitment. I should've either stuck with it or ended it."
The lawsuit -- which Jane Doe has since dropped -- came amid Allen's separation and eventual divorce filing from Alexis Gale, who was pregnant with their third child at the time. Gale -- who's also mom to Naomie, 3, and Zara, 2 -- welcomed son Cohen in October 2023. Allen is also dad to Aadyn, who was born in 2015 to a woman Allen has never publicly named, and twin babies, with his longtime pal, Danielle. Amid the allegations, Allen thought of one main thing: his family.
"I was sitting there and I literally felt like the whole world had just collapsed. 'Cause the first thing my brain goes to is not the career, it's 'How am I going to provide for my kids?'" he said, before explaining why he then considered the idea of suicide.
"It hit me. My life insurance covers suicide," he said. "I don't feel that way now, but in that moment, when you feel like you have nothing in the midst of a society where it's no longer innocent until proven guilty... [people think] she said this so it must be true."
With that on his mind, Allen "moved everything over to one phone -- all my evidence, pictures, text messages, videos, everything... [and then] I was putting bullets in my gun clip."
A text from his friend came at just the right moment, though.
"My friend Chuck texted me... He said, 'Ending it isn't the answer.' When I read those words that... I just stopped," Allen said. "I remember I called one of my buddies... He came up. I gave him my gun. I said, 'Take it. I don't need it.' My mom flew in, and then I started receiving phone calls from different artists checking in on me, saying they love me, they care about me, they know who I am. Then I started receiving calls from people I didn't even expect. Some of the biggest actors in Hollywood that I've been fans of for years -- I've never met -- somehow got my phone number and called me."
For all the support Allen received in the midst of the drama, there were also "people that I was expecting to hear from but I didn't."
"That's what hurt a lot," he said. "... I didn't think it would hurt as much as it did, having people I thought were my friends just leave, but thanks to you, other friends in the business, my family, I was able to get through. It was rough."
From there, Allen went to a retreat for mental health and got into therapy, but suicidal thoughts continued.
"Every single day, I remember battling: Do I want to live? Do I not want to live?" he recalled. "When bills get due. I'm like, 'Man, my family would have X amount of dollars if I would've took care of something,' but I realized that's not the way to do it."
When a friend came through with some money for Allen -- help he needed due to dropped deals amid the scandal -- things started to turn around.
"After a few months... I started to look at the situation different. It went from, 'God, why is this happening to me?' to 'God, what am I supposed to learn?'" he said. "... I went from hating her to a little bit kind of feeling bad for her, trying to understand what was going on in her life that she needed to do this. How did I not make myself available for a conversation about her feelings?"
Ultimately, the break was a good thing for Allen. In fact, he said, "It honestly saved my life."
Before the scandal, Allen said, he "turned to drugs" and "life just felt like a circus, all because I couldn't be honest with myself about who I was and what I wanted," both personally and professionally. Now, though, Allen said he's "been the happiest I've ever been."
Going forward, he said, "[I want] to continue to be honest with myself and being honest with everyone else."
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
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