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'It physically hurt' | A firefighter's story of PTSD and suicide

Clarksville Fire Chief Brandon Skaggs came forward to tell the story of his father's suicide

This week, we're sharing the stories of first responders affected by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in hopes our hometown heroes will feel comfortable talking about the toll their jobs have on their mental health. 

The response has been incredible. 

Many of you have reached out to us after watching our series, Stressed into Silence, ready to share your stories. Clarksville's Fire Chief Brandon Skaggs is one of them.

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"I'm not sure it's a topic a lot of people talk about. I think it's a topic we should be talking about it," Skaggs said. "Experiencing what we experienced as a family, as a department, it's a must."

In May of 2009, his life changed forever.

"My father committed suicide. He was still an active member here, off duty that day, had all his guns out. He got on his Harley Davidson and he rode away. A few hours later, I got a phone call from a detective," Skaggs said.

RELATED: Breaking your silence: First-hand accounts from our first responders, families

"It physically hurt, when I was told the words, my father committed suicide," he said. "We really didn't have any warning signs. The day started out normal for all of us. In my mind, he was a very strong person."

"First responders, we've gotten really good at hiding our emotions. After the funeral, I had a moment of anger, where I felt like, he did this to me. He did this to my family. I thought to myself, I thought he loved me enough not to do something like that," Skaggs said.

"The deputy chief at the time set me up with a counselor and about a year later, it was like a switched flipped for me. The anger and the sadness just left," Skaggs said.

RELATED: 'This is the story about my worst run'; Firefighter battling PTSD breaks his silence

He brought a chaplain on in 2016, when he became chief, vowing to make sure his fellow firefighters had an outlet to talk during difficult times.

"I think now that we're getting the awareness out, the next step is putting the steps in place to address those issues. Some of these responders, who have a 30 year career, they have 30 years of things they've never opened up or talked about. It takes a toll on themselves and their families," he said.

"The memory of losing my father is somewhat painful, but the memories I made here with my father override that and I'm going to hold on to that legacy as a father and son firefighting at Clarksville," Skaggs said. "This is my dream job. I don't think I'm going anywhere soon."

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