Local doctors and attorneys have seen the divorce rate climb after Hurricane Katrina, because research shows that during devastation, stress either pulls families closer or tears them apart.

Dr. Emery says young children can be confused about where their things will be, and will worry when they will see each parent.

One expert traveled to New Orleans to help parents help their children during this difficult time.

Dr. Robert Emery said he was not surprised that Hurricane Katrina’s devastation has caused the divorce rate to rise.

Emery, a professor of psychology and director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law at the University of Virginia, has authored books on family conflict, divorce and custody issues. Emery believes separating parents should look into mediation rather than bitter legal battles for the sake of their children.

“Parents of course need to think and rethink of course, not just about themselves but about their children too.”

Emery said having a home that is a war zone and being at war when parents are living apart can be very detrimental to children, so he said to put the child’s needs first rather than put them in the middle of the battlefield.

Many times children will think the split is their fault or something even worse.

“So many of these family’s kids are trying to fix it, they are going back and forth telling mom what they think she wants to hear, telling dad what they think he wants to hear, telling them to be nice trying to fix things,” said Emery.

Young children can be confused about where their things will be and when they will see each parent. School age children may try to fix the marriage, while teens can be embarrassed, angry or rebellious. And even grown up children can be devastated.

“I can’t tell you how many people have sent me emails or called me on the phone over the years and said I’m 26-years-old and I read all of this about what divorce does to younger children, but nobody realizes how hard it is for me,” Emery said.

Professional mediation can help separate the angry and hurtful relationship side from the most important job of co-parenting.

“You have to love your children more than you hate your ex. The only reason I can think not to indulge your anger is because you don’t want to harm these kids.”

Emery said it is not about being friends with an ex, but about harmony, since the other parent will be around forever and family and friends are taking sides. He said parents should never indulge in anger and bad mouth an ex.

“If you criticize your child’s other parent you’re criticizing that child’s DNA literally aren’t you? That child is that other parent and to put them down is putting that child down, it’s a terrible thing to do.”

Emery said having two separate days to celebrate a holiday would be better, instead of fighting over one. He also said that rules in both households should be similar.

For more information you can contact the Family Mediation Council of Louisiana at (504) 558-9080.