Mayor's advice to the bullied: 'Grow a pair'

Mayor's advice to the bullied: 'Grow a pair'

Mayor's advice to the bullied: 'Grow a pair'


by Michael Martinez, Sara Sidner and Ashley Fantz, CNN

Posted on May 21, 2014 at 8:22 PM

Porterville, California (CNN) -- For anyone who has experienced the brutality of a bully, a blunt-talking mayor in California with a horseshoe mustache now weighs in with this bit of wisdom: "Grow a pair."

Looking and talking like an Old West figure, Mayor Cameron Hamilton made his declaration while on the dais of the Porterville City Council last week.

"I'm against bullying, but I'm getting damn tired of it being used as a mantra for everything and the ills of the world," Hamilton said during the City Council meeting. "(Most) people just have to grow a pair and stick up for them damn selves."

Hamilton imparted his advice while discussing a proposal to create an anti-bullying safe zone for students.

His remark immediately ricocheted around the council chambers -- and, in subsequent days, around the country.

Councilwoman Virginia Gurrola immediately challenged the mayor.

"It's hard to just grow a pair when you're a 10-year-old girl," Gurrola shot back.

The councilwoman's retort was just the beginning of how the mayor's tough-talking comments have roiled many people nationwide, especially advocates of bullying prevention.


What's bullying


Indeed, in the past few years, a robust debate has been unfolding about what is -- and isn't -- bullying.

Sponsors of National Bullying Prevention Month say it's wrong to view bullying as "a childhood rite of passage" and something to make "kids tougher." In fact, bullying can be a traumatic experience, causing school avoidance, anxiety, depression and loss of self-esteem.

Some researchers, however, say "bullying" has been misused and misstated in recent years -- recklessly assigned to describe mere slights, teasing or inevitable growing pains in childhood relationships.

The bald, cigar-smoking Hamilton seemed a little wounded this week by the resulting controversy, but he wasn't backing down. He has also received some hate e-mail.

"Of course, I wish I would have put it a little different, a little less colorful, but let's not lose track of what the message is," Hamilton said in a CNN interview.

Watch Hamilton speak about the controversy

"We're starting to define any action that is a little bit controversial as bullying," he continued. "We're not addressing the fact that the students are running to or running from (something) or never allowed through the zero-tolerance policies of the schools to actually stand up for themselves.

"The one I worry about the most is physical intimidation, and that's certainly not advocating that we meet violence with violence," he said. "But if somebody puts their hands on you, it's up to you and your friends to put a stop to this."

People should "just tell the bully we're not going to put up with this," he said.


Raising two grandchildren


Hamilton has been raising two grandchildren for 10 years because he lost his daughter in a wreck.

"I guarantee I'm not raising them to be whiny," Hamilton said.

But he's frustrated with school policies that don't allow bullied pupils to stand up for themselves, he said.

His grandson came home from school a month ago after he and another boy had a tussle. In fact, the principal called Hamilton about the incident.

"I asked my grandson afterwards, what'd you do about it?" Hamilton said.

"I didn't do anything," the grandson told him, according to Hamilton.

"Why?" Hamilton said.

"Because I'll get in trouble," the grandson told him.

Hamilton expressed exasperation -- and blamed zero-tolerance zones in school as a big part of the problem.

Those zones empower bullies, Hamilton said.

"How do you have a safe zone when the schools are telling the kids to stand down and not really holding the bully accountable?" Hamilton said. "They don't expel them or don't suspend them. They have them come back to class, and you're brought back in the same environment."

When Hamilton was in 7th grade, he was bullied by "a guy that kept pullin' a knife on me," he said.

"I made up excuses not to go to school. ... I didn't tell my mom and dad what was going on, didn't tell my friends cause I didn't want them to think I was afraid of this guy," Hamilton said.

"Finally it came to a head. I dropped him like a rag doll. Everything was cool again," he said.


For more on this story and to see the interview with Mayor Hamilton, click here.